Realisation... 2.

Wanted to write this post last Friday but ended up writing it today.

I realised - I really am living in my own fantasy. I don't care what's happening around the world, unless those I wanted to care. Like the most basic one - petrol prices. 

I didn't know RM 50 can only get 21.736 litres of petrol (this was before the petrol price adjustment announced today). I didn't know 2 bars of petrol can actually go pretty far (from my office to Mid Valley and from Mid Valley back to my house) - total mileage is less than 25 km. I was so worried that I couldn't get home with 2 bars of petrol. But my optimism beat my worries, at the end of the day, I was able to reach home safe and sound.

I'll start taking note about such trivial things. I used to think that all these don't really matter to me, because my dad is always there to support me and I know I can fully dependent on him. But not anymore, I will have and need to be more independent. :')

Blissful

Health is not valued till sickness comes.
- Thomas Fuller -

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.
- Mahatma Gandhi -

My dad finally got rid of the life of carrying 2 bags of lung fluids around for a month. It was a boring dreadful month. #confinement

Thank you, thank you and thank you. 

Words can't describe how I feel right now. #feelingcontent #blissful #happiness :)

A thought occurred to me when my dad was being diagnosed with cancer. He must be living too comfortably, that's why God decided to give him a rather challenging assignment to deal with at this age. This assignment not only meant for him, but for us, as a family member as well. We're all going too easy with our lives.
#takethingsforgranted

People nowadays are so scared when heard about cancer because we're ignorant. We know too less about something we should know, something we're supposed to know. Everyone gave me that startled look when I told them about my dad. "What?! Cancer?! Are you f*cking serious?" Yea, I was there with him when the result was being announced. I dunno what reaction I put on my face, but I can be pretty sure deep down I was as calm as lake water.

Then everyone is so concerned about him, that he would receive few calls a day and few visits a day over the weekend and when he was being hospitalized. This proved to me how strong his connections are. Even a friend from Cameron purposely came to visit him after knowing his condition. So much better than some fake relatives, asking via phone, and the worst part of all is that he asked my aunt rather than calling my dad directly. He got defended by my aunts and my sis, saying maybe he doesn't want to disturb my dad. Yea, right. And both me and my sis got criticised because ACCORDING TO HIM we were too high-profile in social media (and we were like, huh? Wtf?! All I did was sharing videos. Let alone my sis, she didn't even post anything on her wall). Whatever. Generation gap. I had mentioned this before in my previous post, but every time I thought of this, it makes my water boiling up. Ugh. I swear I'm not going to meet them if they ever come KL. I'll make up whatever reasons I can just to avoid meeting them. #toxicpeople #escapist

For people like my dad who loves to look as handsome as he can (he used to comb his hair even though his hair was too short to be combed) to becoming a bald-headed uncle, it was too painful to see. He said - there's no option left for him, is there? - with that pussy car look from Shrek movie. :'(

I wish nothing more than to have his health back and start enjoying his retirement life.

過去的小幸福

離開小時候　有了自己的生活　
新鮮的歌　新鮮的念頭
我走在每天必須面對的分岔路　
我懷念過去單純美好的小幸福
- «天黑黑» 孫燕姿 -

不知怎麼，最近總是提不起勁，對身邊的人、事、物都不感興趣。有誰能打救我現在的狀態？我現在是連門都懶得出，就算休假也待在家發臭。

最近朋友們在群組發信息，說著誰誰誰換了新的男朋友。然後我心想說怎麼人就這麼八卦。突然覺得自己彷彿活在自己的花花世界，任何除了和自己有關的事都與我無關。人家換不換男女朋友，是不是換了新工作等等的事其實都不關我們的事。這些都是在聚會上互相寒暄的話題而已，沒必要在別人背後討論。

有時會覺得當初那麼要好的朋友，經過社會的渲染，變成另一個我不再熟悉的人。當然，不可能每個人都停在同一個階段。當時那麼要好或許是因為天天膩在一起，而現在大家各奔東西，想找一天大家都剛好有空坐下來聚一聚的機會比登天還難。

我不懂你是否有這樣的想法，那就是小的時候都發誓長大後絕對不要成為自己最討厭的大人。可是很諷刺，偏偏你就是成為了你最不想成為的大人。小時候會覺得做大人很酷，有很多的自由和金錢。但現實是你小時候認為的自由，長大後卻好像不是那麼一回事。對，你是有自由去選擇你的伴侶、你的工作、你想去哪裡旅行…但同時間你會在多種選擇下苦惱，要做出取捨，當初那些單純美好小幸福，現在卻變得好複雜。

做人真煩！我在想…如果一直這樣想下去，我是不是快得憂鬱症？唉～煩吶！

当初有些事，让我们刻骨铭心；曾经有些人，令我们难以释怀。我们一路走来，告别一段往事，走入下一段风景。路在延伸，风景在变幻，人生没有不变的永恒。走远了再回头看，很多事已经模糊，很多人已经淡忘，只有很少的人与事与我们有关，牵连着我们的幸福与快乐，这才是我们真正要珍惜的地方。