Realisation... 3.

Do you know the feeling like a deflated balloon?

Yea, I was kind of experiencing it. I dunno why I'm always the submissive one, probably because I didn't want to aggravate or hurt other people's feelings. Or so I perceived. Thus, I ended up hurting my own feeling.

Whenever I suggested an idea - places to eat or hang out - I have that one friend always like to challenge my idea without any base. I'm totally fine with it if you could at least research about the places that I suggested. But no, that one friend would comment like "Is the food nice?".

I would say this question is really based on one's preferences. I might like it but maybe you don't? And the problem is the idea I suggested might be the places I haven't been there before, I just randomly saw it from the social sites. Why can't you take the risk and give it a try? If it's bad, then we don't revisit; but what if it's good? Life needs surprises sometimes.

Houjicha latte.

It smelled and tasted good but the texture can be smoother.

So we ended up going to the cafe I suggested. I said no topics regarding jobs but you know auditors, full of negative vibes - feeling imbalance of what they're doing because the jobs they do are usually pointless. I get the same old shit they rant. And usually I just nodded along because I don't understand the jargon they said. My job isn't nice to deal with either. But no one bothers/interested to what my job is. To be honest, I don't feel like talking about it during gathering. We're supposed to talk about fun things. 

不管你是人生赢家还是彻头彻尾的loser，我为什么劝你一定要去参加同学聚会？
And about gathering, seriously, I urge everyone to join whenever there's any. Because it lets you see how far have you progressed or how slow you are as compared to your peers. For the latter one, you know it's time for you to work extra hard. It hits me really hard when they discussed about travelling with family. I have been working for 3 years, never once I paid fully for my parents to go for a trip. Whereas my friends, they discussed about sponsor flight tickets & accommodation & bla bla bla for their parents. While I had monologue going on in my mind - I only manage to support myself to a trip. Last year, my face was thick enough to follow my parents to go Krabi without paying a penny. Sigh. Life...

Realisation... 2.

Wanted to write this post last Friday but ended up writing it today.

I realised - I really am living in my own fantasy. I don't care what's happening around the world, unless those I wanted to care. Like the most basic one - petrol prices. 

I didn't know RM 50 can only get 21.736 litres of petrol (this was before the petrol price adjustment announced today). I didn't know 2 bars of petrol can actually go pretty far (from my office to Mid Valley and from Mid Valley back to my house) - total mileage is less than 25 km. I was so worried that I couldn't get home with 2 bars of petrol. But my optimism beat my worries, at the end of the day, I was able to reach home safe and sound.

I'll start taking note about such trivial things. I used to think that all these don't really matter to me, because my dad is always there to support me and I know I can fully dependent on him. But not anymore, I will have and need to be more independent. :')

Realisation... 1.

It's always too soon to quit!

- Norman Vincent Peale -

Learning a talent for a year but there is no improvement at all. Why did you continue then? Err.. 

*****

I guess because it's something that 

you have already started 

and you feel like
something will gone missing if you stop, 

that's why you still hold on into it.