Till We Meet Again

Ever since I joined this company, more than 5 colleagues I know had left. What is wrong with it?

Today, another colleague is leaving. Those that stay for quite sometime said this is normal, way too normal. I still can't use to this kind of farewell and leaving.

First, money spent. Regardless welcome or farewell, we'll have to spend, over meals, presents... I'm not saying I'm not willing to pay but is there any meaning by doing this? People came and left, like leaves fall during autumn and grow when it's spring again.

Second, hey, we have made some memories together. Working overtime, helping each other out, gathering... well, now we can say they were memories, but few years down the road? Would we ever remember each other? The memories we made? That we used to work together? I doubt that. Unless we keep in touch.

Third. Keep in touch. Yea, we can do it, at first. But after that? Things change and even people change too. I'm not even sure the keep in touch part. Maybe the contact gets MIA too, after a few months.

Not to say I'm being too negative on this, I'm just being realistic. This is life. And it's cruel. Everything needs to maintain, otherwise they withered away like flowers did.

#handmade card

Aeroplane charm - so that she can fly higher and reach the sky. :)

p/s: the assignment on 'what and where to eat for lunch' has became tougher as we are now shorthanded. We need more people to suggest what to eat for lunch. Sigh. I'll miss those time we emailed each other an hour before lunch, asking what and where to eat.

Completeness

From scratch. 

And then there's this station almost done. 

Sometimes, I'm pretty amazed by how people build something out of nothing. The same theory applies to the connection and relationship between people. 

When you like a person, no matter what they said, you'll find it interesting or even engross in the conversation; but when you're not, you just hope that they would stop talking to you. 

Such a complexity. Thus, sometimes I prefer being alone rather than engage into a conversation that I don't even have any idea to keep it going. Perhaps I'm being prejudiced to that person. Before I can break it, I really hate myself for being so half-heartedly. So fake.

Photo: DoctorASKY.com

p/s: stop spending your kindness on me, it's not worth.

三緘其口

有時候

為了得到一個答案而追根究底並不是一件好事

可能答案不是你想要的; 

可能答案說出口之後，

出現了不可挽回的局面; 

可能……

但是

往往我是那種要知道真相/答案的人

即便答案不是我想要的

又或者答案揭曉後會有不可挽回的局面

我就是想要知道

很任性吧

我喜歡所有事情都攤開來講

我也知道不是每個人都像我一樣

很矛盾

但我這裡所指的事

是關於人與人的相處

關於我的心情/喜好厭惡

我不是屬於那種什麼都分享的人

所以我鮮少分享家常瑣事

而且我覺得說不上哪裡怪怪的

就那種大便不出也告訴你的

我不太能接受

我那天告訴A說

如果我腦袋裡有話要說

但不確定要不要說

天使和魔鬼就會開啟拉鋸戰

最後一定是魔鬼勝出

說與不說

我都會後悔

但我做不到

三緘其口

The Time Keeper

Try imagine a life without timekeeping.

You probably can't. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie.

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.

Man alone measures time.

Man alone chimes the hour.

And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other create endures.

A fear of time running out.

Consider the word "time."

We use so many phrases with it. Pass time. Waste time. Kill time. Lose time.

In good time. About time. Take your time. Save time.

A long time. Right on time. Out of time. Mind the time. Be on time. Spare time. Keep time. Stall for time.

There are as many expressions with "time" as there are minutes in a day.

But once, there was no word for it at all. Because no one was counting.

Written by: Mitch Albom

Extreme Sports Activities

I'm not having a very good temper these days due to the hot weather. So if I read your message but without reply, it's obvious that I'm not in a good mood to reply.

Went skytrex and Viper yesterday. I must be crazy for joining 2 extreme activities in a day. So now I'm basically an OKU. Bruises and aches all over my body.

Can't deny, both are once-in-a-lifetime experience. I'm not regret to participate in both activities. But it was my first time reached home at 4 a.m. and my parents didn't chide me for coming home late.

Viper Challenge 2016

Thank you everyone for the teamwork and leave no one behind.

Skytrex Adventure

p/s: the aches seem to be worse now. :/
Thanks and no next time for extreme sports activities. Hahaha.

說謊

是有過幾個不錯對象 說起來並不寂寞孤單
可能我浪蕩 讓人家不安 才會 結果都陣亡

我沒有什麼陰影魔障 妳千萬不要放在心上
我又不脆弱 何況那算什麼傷
反正愛情不就都這樣

我沒有說謊 我何必說謊
妳懂我的 我對妳從來就不會假裝
我哪有說謊
請別以為妳有多難忘 笑是真的不是我逞強

我好久沒來這間餐廳 沒想到已經換了裝潢
角落那窗口 聞得到玫瑰花香
被妳一說是有些印象

我沒有說謊 我何必說謊
妳知道的 我缺點之一就是很健忘
我哪有說謊
是很感謝今晚的相伴 但我竟然有些不習慣

我沒有說謊 我何必說謊
愛一個人 沒愛到難道就會怎麼樣
別說我說謊
人生已經如此的艱難 有些事情就不要拆穿

我沒有說謊 是愛情說謊
它帶妳來 騙我說 渴望的有可能有希望
我沒有說謊 祝妳做個幸福的新娘
我的心事請妳就遺忘


Lyrics: 魔鏡 - 林宥嘉 說謊

相處

Please don't let me be with a person for too long in a period of time. Or else, I'll hate myself for started to dislike that person. I realised this is my biggest problem. Maybe this is the reason my mom keeps saying I don't get good friends - as she perceives my sister's friends are all good friends.

I must get over that 'dislike' period and only then everything will be okay. I guess that's the period I started to magnify one's bad side. Everything he/she does in that period will start to get on my nerve and I'll try everything to make myself not to behave too obvious. At the end, I'll just hate myself - worst case scenario, I had once threw tantrum to my friends because I seriously hate them at that point of time.

Fortunately, those that passed my 'dislike' period are those who stay in my life. I know I'm quite a troublesome person to be with. I must give a round of applause to those can withstand my temper and my grotesque mood swing. Those who can't, already left, or we just stop talking, no matter how close we were.

Relationship can be so weak sometimes, I wonder how strong relationship is being maintained. Because people changed, from time to time. Some had changed so thoroughly that I thought 'is this the person I used to know?'. Well, changes are good. But I usually being told I've not really changed. Is that a good thing?

I usually click pretty fast with new friends but that click extinguish pretty fast too. Just like wind. For the first year we become friends, you'll see me busy making cards or preparing birthday present because that's the first year of our friendship. I would love to extend our friendship to second year and more. However, that act of mine only lasted for the first year. I get lazy for the following years of our friendship. I mean maybe I'll still make cards, but you can see from the effort I put in. Or maybe I don't even make card, I believe celebration over a good meal is more than enough. Anyway, this can be done with money, so what is the problem?


p/s: My attitude.
Saying further will just make me an ugly person from the inside. I'll never deny, there must be people out there that are just like me.

Until I Say Goodbye

I should end this now, I started thinking. With dignity, on my own terms.

I thought of suicide about as often as you see a butterfly. It would flutter into my mind, and I would study it, marveling at is symmetry. Then it would flit away, and I would forget, for it was only a passing thing.

Until it returned the next day, and the next. Because my mind was a garden. Tended, cultivated, but unchecked on the edges. A perfect place for butterflies.

Written by: Susan Spencer-Wendel

2016 First Quarter

Thanks to someone, I remember the fact that I've got a blog. Time to clear off some dust again.

But probably I just write for myself to read. Since no one really care.

So, what to update for the first post of 2016? That a lot had happened in year 2015 and that first quarter of 2016 is about to come to an end and yet I feel like I had did nothing at all. What should I do with my life? My future?

So I changed job in 2015. Everything is so different from the previous job. I have never really set out my future plan or envision about it. Future, to me is a very abstract and unfamiliar word. They often said future is to be created, by me, myself. And I really have no idea about it.

As if it couldn't get more worse, I lost a 10 years long friendship. I dunno how.com we end up like this and the last conversation we had was she told me to move on. Okay, fine. Since she said so. But I know deep down, it really was my problem after all. I'm narrow-minded, bad temper, sucks at communicating. I dunno how to be good at communication. And I seem to have the ability to make everyone to leave my life. I'm really good at annoying, agitate, and ruining a relationship. Well, I learned my lesson, hopefully. I know in the near future, I'll be doing the same mistake all over again.

I told Alice, I've got an itchy mouth. Something I knew I shouldn't say, but the sentence keeps playing in my mind. At the end I was so frustrated, so I say it out loud and immediately regret for saying it.

p/s: My mind is such a mess now and I think the picture is most likely to describe how my mind is working now.

Photo: Lee JeeYoung

- Deceased, never take things for granted -

Are we reaching the age where death is so common? Please, no more sad news.

2 of my friends' dad passed away, out of sudden. Appreciate those are still here with you because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow. Only the present is certained.

Let's rewind a bit.

I never once thought news that happen everyday will happen to me one day. And I always thought as long as I reached my housing area, I'll be safe. Looks like I'm wrong. This is what happened on a one fine Saturday.

"I reached home around 2pm, coming back from workplace. The street was quiet as usual. A black Honda Civic zoomed by when I got out from my car. I never put much thought about that car because there were scumbags doing this everyday. But out of sudden, the car reversed very quickly and stopped right in front of my house. I was gasping as I saw a guy from the passenger side get down from the car. There were 2 persons in the car. He was approaching me just like when predators saw their prey. Only then I realized something was terribly wrong. He hushed me and I instinctively stepped backward. And then he flashed out something like a parang (now I'm not sure what it was anymore), the next moment I was being chased and screaming with my life. I thought I was going to die. He outran me of course, grabbing the denim shirt I wore and hit me with his weapon. I quickly threw my bag to him and he just took off with his crime partner. They robbed by making a loud entrance but I was too slow to realize about it. No one was there to help me when this incident took place. Only after they left,  neighbors started to gather and asked me what's wrong. And so, everything inside my bag had gone including hand phone and purse. Fortunately, I didn't lose my keys. What matters the most is that thank goodness, I'm still alive."

Since the robbing case happened, I've become emotionally sensitive. The past 2 weeks I've been dealing with the aftermath or rather trauma. I became extremely skeptic whereby every Indian passed by or every car zoomed by would make me jump. I dun dare to walk alone on the street now and drive alone but if the situation forces me to, I'll do it timidly. There was this case where I walked with my friend on a quiet street, then there were 2 Arabians strolling with a motorcycle. I was hoping we got passed them without them asking anything. I was so scared that I thought they were scheming something. Ended up they asked us direction to the nearest petrol station. And on the same street, a BMW passed by and made a reverse suddenly. Again I was so scared, we both sprinted.

I guess this is what they called once bitten, twice shy or in Mandarin - 一朝被蛇咬，十年怕草绳。

The scene is now less vivid as when it had just occurred. My heart stopped every time I heard the car zoomed by, afraid something bad is happening again.

p/s: Moral of the day - never take anything for granted. You'll never know when you gonna lose it or watch it slip through your hand or disappear in front of your eyes. Appreciate by saying thank you to everything that you have now. :)
Stay safe, world is so dangerous nowadays.