Care too much

Why am I trying so hard?
.
Why am I always feeling like I'm at fault when I did nothing wrong?
.
Why the hell I care when the one I expect to care does not care?
.
Maybe it's really time to let go. Because the chance was given to me and I didn't appreciate it. Maybe this is it. The end of our friendship.
.

Note to myself:
Stop caring when people decide not to care anymore and exit your life.

***

Just when I decided not to care, she replied. After I texted 2 days ago. People never change sometimes. Or perhaps it's just me who text back instantly, to people I care too much. I think somewhat is a karma, because I ignore people's messages too. 

Honest

DON'T let your EARS witness what your EYES didn't see. DON'T let your MOUTH speak what your HEART doesn't feel. LIVE with HONESTY.

There are too many articles, regardless on the newspapers or social media, telling what you should do and what you shouldn't. A thought keep gnawing on me lately - that we're constantly limiting ourselves. That I didn't have enough money, so I can't go travel. That I majored in accounting, thus I have to be an accountant. That everyone around my age has a boyfriend, so I should have one as well.

I wouldn't say staying single is cool, as those in relationship will look at you, envying your freedom. Or the opposite, they'll ask you to get one quickly, not until you don't have much choices left, not until you're old, not until you're not pretty anymore. Because all these society perceptions grow too deeply within all of us and we started to believe that these should be the way we live our lives.

Too many people only exist in this world without really living their lives, to their fullest. I don't want to live my life like every other existence. I had kind of wasted the best time in my life, I'm not going to waste my future, thinking whether I should or I shouldn't. I'll do whatever I feel like it. Of course, there'll be a voice inside saying that I can't, it's impossible, I shouldn't. Fuck that! From now on, I'll be extremely honest to me and myself, and everyone else. Do hate me if you don't like, because no one ever says honesty should be beautiful.

I'll make sure I do whatever I can to make my life less to no regret. I'm gonna mingle whenever I attend whatever event or gathering. I'm gonna love with all my might, even though I may end up being hurt.

Let's be honest, so that you won't live a life full of regrets. :)

Working life... 1. Junior

有時不是不願意給機會給新人，而是他們的學習態度和做出來的結果都是差強人意。（也並不是每個新人都是一個樣）

所以，很多時候寧願什麼都自己做。要不然讓新人做，到最後收拾爛攤子的還是自己，結果造就了double work.

看著新人們，還不是當初自己剛開始接觸這份工作時的模樣。#忍不住罵自己笨

同樣一份耐心，別人能給我，但我卻給不了新人。同樣的事說了2次，如果還是給我一副" 我不明白 " 的臉，一下我的氣又要來了。但，同樣的，如果是我不明白，我也渴望別人可以解釋到我明白為止。#矛盾

而且剛開始不熟悉，手腳一定比較慢。還記得前輩示範教學時，那速度快到我超羨慕的，尤其切換窗口的速度簡直讓我目瞪口呆。現在後輩們投以當時我一樣羨慕的眼神，看著我的手指在鍵盤上跳舞。所有的事情，一旦熟悉了，就會像機械人的日常一一駕輕就熟。然後，人的本性就開始浮現，那就是理所當然的舒適圈。工作上手了，不用腦也能做，除非有特殊狀況。

一直糾結去留，可是一晃就一年半了。糊里糊塗地還升了職，但卻有半年的試用期。該走嗎？我想去新西蘭的打工假期，可是應該會是脫了牙套後的事。唉…都順其自然吧～