Set the right expectation

或許其實那樣的喜歡本身，就已是種美好認真喜歡過，沒有結果，也是美好

- 樂擎 -

昨天看了《Friendzone》這部泰國電影，以為編劇會讓結局有遺憾，因為現實就是如此，但幸好還是happy ending。大多人都嚮往happy ending，因為現實生活中太多遺憾，想藉由電影來讓慰籍自己。

女主角一直以朋友的身分和男主角在一起是因為不想以情侶的身分失去他。太心碎了😭
其實大家對彼此都有意思，但為了不越過那條線，各自裝傻各自交往來維持這段微妙的關係。可是當女主角一有事情，男主角不顧一切地出現在她面前。10年！男主角默默守護了10年。說真的，現在還有誰能做得到？

然後回想起自己老是與戀愛錯過，總是掛不上鉤。每次以為差點成的事，到最後被選擇的並不是我。是我的問題嗎？是我太渴望了所以得不到？話說為什麼我那麼想要戀愛？現在每個人都主張單身萬歲。的確，聽到朋友們投訴男/女朋友時，會特別慶幸自己還是單身，少了人生一大難題。但是，想到平時有什麼想分享時找不到人分享，那空虛感卻讓人吃不消。

到最後，其實是自己的腦在作祟。把expectation set對了以後，會不會比較容易遇到對的人？🤔

好好愛自己就有人會愛你

這樂觀的說辭🎶

——《關鍵詞》林俊傑
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The right one

Don't mistake salt for sugar.

If he wants to be with you, he will.

It's that simple.

- Rupi Kaur -

Yup, convincing myself that

  I'm not rush

  Eventually the right one will show up

Also chiding myself

  Why the hell I yearn for being in a relationship so much

It's really tired, being a paradox. 

Ugh...

Courage

In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.
- Abraham Maslow -

Everyone will be facing a turning point at certain age. My cousin, Erin is facing hers at the age of 27. Fed up with her 2nd job, thus she decided to leave for good. She was in advertising field and it's considered small field in Malaysia. No matter how you jump, the choices are limited.

So, she decided to apply for oversea companies and ended up chosen China's company. At the very last minute of settling her working visa and stuff, she's still struggling whether to go or stay because she heard too many negative voices telling her how bad it is to work in China.

She didn't like China at the first place. Now with so many negative comments about working in China made her more dreaded to go. But anyway, decision is made, she packed her stuff and just went with it. 

Luckily she brought her mom and her sis with her. As I know her, she's lack of sense of direction, very stubborn once she thinks she's right, and she can be hard to get through sometimes, like we're always not in the same channel.

Even though she is dreaded, half a year already passed by. The last I met her was during CNY, with awesome gradiant on her face but with soulless eyes. The good condition on her face was due to cold weather, as for her eyes, she told us she has been insomnia for a month. Deprived of sleep can really drive a person crazy. 

Insomnia is barely occurred in my life, but I had experienced it once. You couldn't sleep when you're supposed to, you would constantly counting down to when you can sleep or when the day comes.

She did some research and found out that she actually has mild depression according to the test she took. Her boss is mean and demotivated. When she was given a task, her boss demanded her to complete within split second. If she couldn't, her boss would chide - why are you being so slow? Didn't you bring your brain to work? When I heard her story, I can tell that he is not a good leader. Working under such person can be so intimidating and stressful. So we can see why she couldn't sleep at night. Or when she finally drifted to sleep, he appeared in her dreams and continued to haunt her.

We advised her, no point to work under such circumstances. It's not like you earning a lot but you almost giving up your health to your work. It's okay to quit and pay the penalty for leaving without completing the job contract. It's not worth to stay for the money.

I watched a talk recently and the speaker talked about it's tough to give up. Because you think you've given too much to come to this far, and now you're being torn in between giving up or continuing. Giving up would mean to give up all your effort to make it this far, but you've lost the passion to continue. The dilemma is hard to tolerate. Well, no matter what we said, the decision maker is still her.

I wanted a chance to leave home as well, but I'm not actively searching. Deep down, I guess I'm too comfort to leave. 

Life, in a nutshell.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

You're afraid people don't like you, so you decided to hate them first.

It's a completely different story when you only have one life left.

But in reality, we only had one life. It depends on how you wanna live your life to the fullest.

One is enough for my heart

縱有灼灼桃花十里，
取一放在心上…
足矣。

一一«三生三世十里桃花»電影版

Uncommitted

She's not fully committing to it, 

wanting to make the effort

but truly hoping she wouldn't be noticed,

so she could walk away,

so she could always say she'd tried,

so she could rest easily, guilt free.

- amended & taken from «One Hundred Names» by Cecelia Ahern

Recently picked up jogging as my after-work-exercise. So healthy, yea. But exercise can get sick as well. And I was hoping the rain every single day, so I have got excuse to skip. If I were to run alone, I probably wouldn't have persist for 3 weeks in a row. My self-discipline sucks. Thanks to my jogging buddy a.k.a. my boss.

I find myself kinda slack because I couldn't run for a long time. I couldn't catch my breath. The longest record was I managed to run entire round without stopping. I guess my condition that day was good.

Closing kicking in, which means October is just around the corner. Damn, the last quarter of 2017! What have I achieved so far?

Passed my JLPT N2 with barely-pass-result. Sigh. That's the achievement of the year.

Where's positivity?

My previous blog posted too many negative and depressed posts so I decided to close it down and opened up a new one instead. I was determined to make my new blog look more fresh and positive. I was.

But I guess humans are prone to negative vibes as somehow being sad is so much easy than being happy. That uplifting is hard you know? When things aren't easy either.

I know being happy is hard, people tend to allow themselves to feel sad for something that they can't control. Like, today is a bad day, because I met a rude road user that cut my queue, and client made me redo thing for God knows how many times she amended, and expecting on time release from work but no. I've read so many articles and even book that tell me how to change my perspective when nasty things happen. It ain't easy, it's even harder to have to decide what to eat for lunch. But I'll try. I don't want my heart to get sick for being too indulged in negativity.

I knew my colleague doesn't like people to step on her shoes, and yet I dunno why I did that yesterday and I caught off my guard because of the expression she wore when she responded to me. The feeling of she-hates-me-now immediately arouse within me. But I just hope it's just me over thinking. I just love over thinking and I can't help it.

I could easily relate to something that I saw, I heard, I read or people's actions and their words. I feel like I've been living too warily. I'm afraid I'll be abandoned because it's me, that make the situation ended in a bad way. It's proven. People I care eventually exit my life. Or maybe I'm the one make them to?

I'm in need of a warm hug and someone who's words aligned with their action. I'm still hoping there will be someone - even if I block them out, they still persist to try until I open my door to them. #miracle #righttiming #rightperson

Rainbows introduce us to reflections of different beautiful possibilities so we never forget that pain and grief are not the final options in life.

- Aberjhani -

Beauty and no beast

“She warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.”
Narrator [Beauty And The Beast]

I'm satisfied! *a big smile plastered on my face*

Actually I don't really remember the animation version, in fact I don't remember I ever watch that. But somehow I know how the story goes, and I wonder why the hell I know.

Basically, fairy tales are almost every girl's fantasies. No matter how the fairy tales being remade, I'm still loving them, especially the dancing scene, where the girl would wear the dress that every girl dreams of and the Prince would dress handsomely and they danced the perfect dance.

Fairy tales are not meant to be of common sense. Because there is no such perfect moment with perfect love in real life. But all these give us chance to live in fantasy once in a blue moon.

So what if when the beast returned to being human and is not a Prince charming but a fatty? Would you still choose him?
#appearancedriven
#themainisBelleinsteadoftheBeast

Blissful

Health is not valued till sickness comes.
- Thomas Fuller -

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.
- Mahatma Gandhi -

My dad finally got rid of the life of carrying 2 bags of lung fluids around for a month. It was a boring dreadful month. #confinement

Thank you, thank you and thank you. 

Words can't describe how I feel right now. #feelingcontent #blissful #happiness :)

A thought occurred to me when my dad was being diagnosed with cancer. He must be living too comfortably, that's why God decided to give him a rather challenging assignment to deal with at this age. This assignment not only meant for him, but for us, as a family member as well. We're all going too easy with our lives.
#takethingsforgranted

People nowadays are so scared when heard about cancer because we're ignorant. We know too less about something we should know, something we're supposed to know. Everyone gave me that startled look when I told them about my dad. "What?! Cancer?! Are you f*cking serious?" Yea, I was there with him when the result was being announced. I dunno what reaction I put on my face, but I can be pretty sure deep down I was as calm as lake water.

Then everyone is so concerned about him, that he would receive few calls a day and few visits a day over the weekend and when he was being hospitalized. This proved to me how strong his connections are. Even a friend from Cameron purposely came to visit him after knowing his condition. So much better than some fake relatives, asking via phone, and the worst part of all is that he asked my aunt rather than calling my dad directly. He got defended by my aunts and my sis, saying maybe he doesn't want to disturb my dad. Yea, right. And both me and my sis got criticised because ACCORDING TO HIM we were too high-profile in social media (and we were like, huh? Wtf?! All I did was sharing videos. Let alone my sis, she didn't even post anything on her wall). Whatever. Generation gap. I had mentioned this before in my previous post, but every time I thought of this, it makes my water boiling up. Ugh. I swear I'm not going to meet them if they ever come KL. I'll make up whatever reasons I can just to avoid meeting them. #toxicpeople #escapist

For people like my dad who loves to look as handsome as he can (he used to comb his hair even though his hair was too short to be combed) to becoming a bald-headed uncle, it was too painful to see. He said - there's no option left for him, is there? - with that pussy car look from Shrek movie. :'(

I wish nothing more than to have his health back and start enjoying his retirement life.

お金 #2

Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.

- Benjamin Franklin -

Dun ask me to go shopping, in fact, dun ask me out to spend a penny. Mainly because I'm constantly depriving of money. I feel like, but I dunno why. And damn, this feeling haunts me.

***I just want something to take the blame.

Thus, I blame my job. 

Ever since I changed my job, bad things keep coming to me. Of course, I received good ones too. But the bad ones were severely impacted to my life. Maybe I'm being too focus on the bad things, that's why they keep looking for me.

I always curious, those who earn lesser than me, how can they sustain? Or they actually having a hard time too, but without complaining? But their lust seem to be so much more humongous than mine. Travelling, wearing branded stuff, cafe-hopping... How? Are they earning extra income? I almost stop going to cafe, my friends used to say I always go travelling, always eat nice food. Maybe I posted too much photos on social media. So they've got such "perception".

Where and how to earn extra in a legit way? 

#cruelworld

 #makemoneyworkforme

Or maybe I'm asking too much. Only when I appreciate, money will come to me without me asking for more. 

#lawofattraction 

#enoughishappiness

Generation gap

Qisin!

Change your thought and you change your world.

- Norman Vincent Peale -

What's with the underlying rules set by the elders -
That we have to confine/limit ourselves,
That we have to be fully by mentally and physically support to our loved one who got sick,
That we cannot have any entertainment because we're not allow to have that happy feeling, to hang out with friends,
That we have to tone down in social media, or if we want to be so high profile that I have to write my sad feelings all over my wall,
That we have to show depression in order to prove that we're sad, that we care.

What the stupid fking rules are these?
I wanted to crack open their brains and see what's inside.
Why our thinking can be so different?
Why can they be so stubborn?
Why can't they try to understand us instead of forcing us to understand them?
Where's the equality?

We're all humans.
Who aren't sad when your loved ones got sick?
But because I strongly believe that he'll be fine if he follows instructions.
That's why I can be so calm and act like as if nothing happens.

I thought I have to be positive in order to brighten up the circumstances around me.
But they prove me wrong.

Now I have to calm myself down, because I got too agitated, too tension.
And in their eyes, I'm throwing tantrum over minor things like this.
That I cannot control myself.
That I got myself carried away.
That I'm immature.

Maybe I'm. 

Or probably I'm. 

Or yes, I'm.

But I just can't stand being said in such a way that they define who I am, what I should feel.

I'm not a puppet.
Thank you for your kind concern but you need to gimme time to adjust myself and I would like you to know and understand that how we deal with sadness is, a TOTALLY DIFFERENT way. 
By the way, sorry about my low EQ and for being rude.

Health

I wonder how one thinks about their health, especially youngsters. Is it like -

Health is like MONEY. We never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.
- Josh Billings -

Because we're young. Thus, we take things for granted - the unconditional love from our parents, money and health. Most of us didn't realise that our health is important until someone around us or ourselves have health issue, what's worst - a critical / severe one.

Lately I've been thinking regarding this matter. I'm not a healthy kid since young, my lungs are weak. Ever since I started working, I gotten sick at least twice a year, and usually I would get the combo package - cough + flu + sore throat + sometimes even come with fever. When I grown up, it's getting unbearable each time I get sick. It's like I'm getting closer to death (maybe I'm being exaggerating but this is what I feel).

I feel like I'm taking my health for granted. My mom keeps on nagging me - not to drink too much of cold beverages; not to starve myself; not to bath too late; if bath too late, not to wash my hair and bathe with hot water. These are the few nags I would get from her almost everyday. I'm such a disobedient daughter. I know those are not good for my health, but I still do it because I think I'm still young, so I can expend my health like nobody else's business.

The truth is, there are some symptoms started showing that my health is gradually walking the downhill. My sis said she could hear the sound of my bone cracking when I tried to stretch my arms or legs. And I always feel my neck and shoulder part being very stiff and sometimes the ache would hit. The sign of getting old. Hahaha. 

I know I should be more consistent on doing exercise, like swimming, jogging or whatever that could make me sweat and would improve my productivity. I feel sleepy everyday when I'm at work and I think that's because I didn't do exercise on a regular basis. But I'm not motivated to do so and I'm lazy. Lots of excuses. :X

To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.
- Gautama Buddha -

I MUST to do something. Some changes. Or else mid-20s crisis will hit me real hard.

Virtual world

和心愛的人吵架

和陌生人說心裡話

The above statement is saying - We fight with our loved ones, but telling inside thoughts to the strangers. Well, I couldn't agree more to this statement. I dunno since when, I have become such person unknowingly.

Whenever I feel like confide in someone, I couldn't go to my friends [but of course depending on what matter]. I'm afraid they would judge me. Because we're friends. I didn't want to get feedback like "you really shouldn't do this" or "I think you should..." or the kind of responses that would make me flinched at the thought of it. Even though sometimes I response in such a way to my friends as well, I could somehow imagine if I get those responses. That feeling sucks.

So I go to strangers instead. Because we didn't know each other, we might not meet in real life anyway. So what's the harm of telling each other our very own darkest secret or whatsoever. And if I were lucky enough, I would come across someone that clicks, someone that I feel comfortable with. But this sounded unreal right? Constantly being in a virtual world, I might actually exposing too much of myself.

.

I remembered when computer is just started to get generalised in my high school era, everyone was eager to get a MSN account. I also remembered we simply added people that we didn't know by simply typing in the email address. We were even naive to believe that if we could get artists' email address right, then we would be able to chat with them!

At the same time, online game Maple Story was being introduced. So I got to know quite a lot of friends from that game, those were days I couldn't go back to. Everyday, couldn't wait to go home after school and meet with them, we enjoyed chatting instead of gaming. I even added some of them in MSN.

I forgot how I added one guy in MSN and we started chatting. Those days I even had my very first handphone. I dunno what had gotten me to exchange phone number with him. I merely thought the chat was extended to handphone texting. Little did I know he would call and talk! But I couldn't recall what he talked about, all I knew were that he kept calling. I blocked his MSN but too bad, there was no block function in handphone last time. I had to keep my phone switched off for quite sometime. And I couldn't tell anyone about it, not to my parents, not even to my friends. Because they might think I'm a weirdo and deep down, I felt that they would definitely judge.

I dunno why the feeling of insecurity keeps haunting me. It makes me constantly demanding for response and attention. That's why I'm looking for someone that would never get worn out by my unreasonable demand and could understand my mood swing. Someone that would accept me as being me. And someone that I could do the same.

"If I was the question would you be my answer?

If I was the music would you be the dancer?

If I was the student would you be the teacher?

If I was the sinner would you be the preacher?

Would you be my...?"

- Lot to Learn by Luke Christopher -

Goblin

날이 좋아서,
날이 좋지 않아서,
날이 적당해서.
모든 날이 좋았다
- 김신 -

It had came to an end - Kim Eun Sook's writer's piece of master art. In a slow pace, but a good wrapped up. A very good story to ponder upon life.

I always like such topics - supernatural genre. About previous lives, about reincarnation, about God, about death, about how everything works after we died. This drama put in a lot of scenes, whereby people come and leave. Those scenes are Grim Reaper's workplace, where he served many cups of tea to the deceased souls, tell them to drink it and leave the memories behind before they pass on. It was meaningful.

Grim Reapers are the being that are in between the living and the death. Whoever had became Grim Reaper are those who committed a huge sin in their previous lives, i.e. you took your own life. Been hearing that a lot, that killing yourself can actually bring you to hell but any other places you would like to be.

Now I would like to think - whenever it rains, it means Goblin is sad; or whenever miracle befallen, it's gonna be Goblin's doing. The Goblin in this drama said - some people had miracle once and will work very hard to live their lives to the fullest as appreciation; while there are some who keep wishing for more miracles to befall on them, ended up living a life of blaming game.What a greed of human.

“My sister, my friend and my bride have all left. And as always, I’m left all alone” 
-Kim Shin-

But it makes me feel sad to think that after living a life of nearly 1000 years as a punishment, Goblin still continues to live and sees everyone around him to pass on. After Ji Eun Tak, his bride died in her first life, followed by his good friend, Grim Reaper & his reincarnated sister, Sunny, he spent time waiting and waiting for his bride to come to him this time, in her second life. Sometimes, no matter how much you want for things to happen, ALL you can do is wait. And usually, waiting is the hardest part.

“Every human dies at some point, that’s why life is even more beautiful…
The first thought I had once I got my memory back was to live each day as if it were my last.
If today is my last day, this will be my final memory of the person I love so I’d better live hard and love” 
-Ji Eun Tak-

There are too many quotes in this drama I'm deeply in love with because they're too well-written. I actually hoping one day I would write something like Kim Eun Sook writer. I like how she connected everyone in the drama and bring this whole drama a great success. Every casting, no matter the main leads or supporting roles, they all did a very good job too. And the chemistry of the 4 main leads. ❤

Quebec, Canada is such a nice place.
Would definitely visit this place one day :)

Every scene in the drama seems like poster to me. 

Ohh, and their OST, I almost playing them everyday. *Too obsess*

Picture credit: Dokebi TVN facebook

Fitting shoes

Finding love is like finding shoes. People prefer party shoes to daily wear, but they always turn out to be happy with the ones they feel comfortable at all times, i.e. daily wear.

- Unknown -

Indeed. Back when I was younger, I wanted shoes that look nice on my feet. Who cares if the shoes would make my feet sore or cause blisters? I would still wear it even if it was killing me. Even though we walk more during school era, we should really deserve a better pair of shoes. But back then, I couldn't afford pricey but comfortable shoes.

In the present, I wouldn't say I've finally got money to buy my own favourite and comfortable shoes. Because I'm still as poor af. But at least, I'll go for shoes that (1) I would feel comfortable when putting them on, and then (2) only would I consider whether they look good on me.

I have been searching for my shoes for ages and it's futile due to my big feet that look like ship. Ugh. I managed to buy but sadly, they're not my favourite. Now they're biting my feet. :( should have gotten the normal size that I usually wear. I compromised by buying one size smaller because they seem to fit when I tried them and because I don't have much time left until CNY. What a foolish decision that I made.

And then, I realised. Actually choosing a pair of shoes is just like choosing someone to be your other half.

#1 Undeniably, most of us are appearance-driven, of course we would look at one's appearance before the conversation can go further down the road. Unless you just want to be friends, because I don't care whether my friends are ugly or pretty, as long as they're good-hearted.

#2 Once you lock your target - like shoes, you'll try fitting your feet into them and walk around to see if you feel comfortable - you would want to know more of that person. The basic would be looking forward to chat with him and getting incoming messages from him and meeting face-to-face whenever time allows. I just can't do all these with some people, even though they might fond of me or whatsoever, I'll end up hated them. Yea, you can just say me being picky.

#3 So far, I wasn't able to progress further. I seem to stuck at #2 before any sparkles can kindle. Maybe the problem is on me, whatever. If I were able to pass #2, I would be wearing the shoes now. Comfortable or not? I'm at the stage of wearing them daily, walking long distance from LRT station to workplace. Trying to adjust my feet in line with the new shoes. Like today, the shoes are causing blister on my feet, and the shoes don't seem to have space for my big toes. So if the shoes don't fit my feet - just like the person I thought is my Mr Right but actually he's not - I'll end up hurting my feet.

Everyone wonders how will I look like when I'm in love/in a relationship, even myself sometimes ponder too. Will I lose myself as I'm trying to become someone else? Will I get along with him? Will we quarrel a lot or will we stay sweet? Too many questions playing around my head. But these are future, I couldn't foresee it. Just let it be. :D 

Words

I guess I'm too indulged in words written by whoever because they seemed to be related closely to whatever I'm experiencing. 

It's not a good thing as I take everything they wrote as granted. I would think that life is supposed to be the same as the words I read.

But I should have realise. I should have realise everyone is leading different life. 

It was not the first time when someone told me - that I should have my own quotes, my own ways of living, instead of following the flow. 

But I've got no direction, no target. I couldn't imagine how my future is supposed to be like. 

I know I'm not alone out there and this feeling sucks.

Unintentional

Great intentions become tragic action when delivered without careful thought.

- Michael Dooley -

It was never my intention to write a post that would depress my friends. It was supposed to be my train of thought. I'm at the age whereby everyone is constantly worrying or rather interested to know my relationship status.

So here's the story. My friend's friend, let's call him L, he told my friend that he's interested in me and asked if he can follow my insta. I didn't know it was him until my friend asked me in our whatsapp group. I wasn't interested at all, so I didn't bother.

We gathered the day before my birthday, and they brought this up.
"So how? Did you approve him?"
"No."
"Why? We never ask you to go straight to bf/gf stage. We're just asking you to get to know a friend. A new friend."
"Alright. I'll approve now. Okay?"

I immediately approved in front of them, so that they won't bring this up again. Hahaha.

I know sooner or later L will come pm me. Never did I thought that he would wish me on my birthday. But I never asked why he know. I just replied thank you, with an emoticon - to keep my manner in line. He replied further, but I didn't know how to continue. The next day, he came with introduction and more questions and I felt bad because I replied very half-heartedly. And I, myself could felt the sarcasm in all my messages that I replied.

I brought this up to my primary school friends. Guess what? This is a small small world. They happened to know him because they studied the same high school.

I told this story to my college friend, CY and M was there too. Both me and CY are said to be having high requirements on bf. But basically, we're just very dependent on feeling. No matter how good is that person, no feeling means no further engagement. By here means not even becoming friends.

My friends keep asking what are my criteria. They're really simple though - taller than me and able to talk about everything. My insurance agent laughed at me and said these criteria are hard to achieve, given that I'm taller than average girls.

Whatever. Humans are contradictory, anyway.

Money #1

"If there's a lack of money in your life, understand that feeling worried, envious, jealous, disappointed, discouraged, doubtful or fearful about money can never bring more money to you, because those feelings come from a lack of gratitude for the money you have." 

- Rhonda Byrne -

A lot had happened lately and I think I'm losing my mind soon.

I dunno why I'm being an easy target for multi-level marketing (now they used a more professional term, i.e. network marketing/network franchising/network distribution). I didn't do much homework over the internet because it seems to be fruitless. This is a complicated world, I'm not sure who should I trust, not even my gut. Aha.

They don't use aggressive approaches anymore, instead they came by saying hi and started to chat away with the current issues like:-
1. Money [which most of the people are lacking right now] 
2. Job you're doing but you hated it or you feel that you're not being appreciated
3. You posted a lot of negative status in social media and being moody and everything.

And they came to asked what happened and started to introduce a lot of their friends to you. They're a bunch of people who emit positive vibes. Tell me, who doesn't like positive people? So motivating, so inspiring. Except, they're not telling you what they do. Because you're curious, you successfully walked into the world they created. Congratulations!

They keep asking to meet with you, introducing more and more friends to you, arranging meeting, gradually showing you what you have been curious all the time. These people know a lot of professionals which include psychologists. So they know what to say, the words they presume you need desperately - as you seem to be barely surviving in this cruel world.

I was being brought to the meeting, 2 days in a row. They said it was a pre-training session, for me to have a better understanding on Sunday event. I came to know and was totally dumbfounded with how they convince everyone to join them. If your mind are not strong enough, you probably will be tricked by their mind game.

I was supposed to check things up before Sunday came. But nope. I don't know what I did and I let the time slipped through my hand. And it was Sunday already. We arrived at the hotel pretty early, before 9 AM. Damn, I think I could fall asleep.

Event started about 9 AM. They were shouting and asking those high ranking to give sharing as to why they were all in this business. And when every one of them shared, they were shouting something like slogan. There were 3 sharers, some shouted the slogan for more than once. OMG. My friend told me there would be culture shock. I was okay with them shouting and everything, but can they be more civilised? Like sharing through a mic and let us all sit down, instead of gathered in front of the sharer, feeling out of breath because everyone was standing too close to each other.

I was impressed because the speakers were awesome. They know how to grab your attention. But when it came to the last session, where they broke down the part how shortcut could earn faster, to the extent of borrowing bank loan, I started to think that what is this business actually do? You're required to pump in 5 digits amount instead of the 4 digits when I heard in the office. They said that was the usual way and was required by law to explain upfront before introducing us the shortcut.

I almost go for it because in the first month you would get rebate and be able to repay the loan you borrowed up to 5 months. Luckily I asked another friend of mine, he asked why I asked. I said I've got a feeling he went through all these before, and bingo, I was right! I was so lucky to meet him first before go straight to borrowing. If I really did so, I must be really out of my mind.

I met with so many partners that my friend introduced, there was one that made me feel intimidating. Because it's like he could see through me. Lolol. Or maybe because he studied psychology, so he's good at studying people. He knew I was looking for changes.

"Everyone is saying they wanted changes, but no one really takes any action despite just saying. Today they said they wanna change, but then tomorrow they'll go back to their rut, forgetting what they had said the day before." I guess that's pretty much - me. He asked what is it that I'm afraid of? What is it that stopping me to make changes? You've got nothing to lose. Put aside all the fears that you think you're feeling, because they're not real.

Well, after Sunday event, maybe it was fear - because I need to go to the extent of borrowing such a big chunk of money to do this business. They explained in a way that looks extremely easy. But the ugly truth probably is they all just want to get someone in so they can settle their debts, even quicker.

I wouldn't say this is not a doable business nor this is a scam like those cynics said. It all depends on your choice. If you're a risk seeker and you believe you can bring in 5 friends, then you can earn that money. But if you're not, just sit back and watch the rest earn the money instead of spreading bad things about it.

Good luck and happy earning to those who joined. :D

Birthday

Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. 

-Walt Disney-

24 years ago, my mom gave birth to me. Giving all her best, hoping one day I'll be a great person. Living up to this point, I feel like I haven't live up to anyone's expectation. I'm still looking desperately for the purpose of my life.

I wasn't happy today, even though I think I'm supposed to. There's a lump in my throat, making me wanna cry. Tears rolling down my cheek uncontrollably, thinking what the heck I'm doing on my birthday. Self-declare birthday leave but rotting at home. Cousin was supposed to pick me up and we were supposed to be chatting away with life. But I was fed up. I was pissed off with everything. There was no conclusion arrive after hours of texting. No one bothered. If someone did, they would have show up and drag me out of my house. Never mind, I know I'm expecting too much. Who am I?

There ain't many wishes this morning. Though I'm excited to see piles of texts coming in. But no. And the wishes only started coming in when I posted the screenshot, revealing that today is my birthday. 

This was never my intention. I replied half-heartedly. I didn't feel like smiling but I still replied with smiling emoticon. I don't know what had gotten to me, feeling down all of the sudden.

I don't know who I can go to. I don't know what is causing my sadness. If I really want to confide in someone, I don't know what to tell.

My birthday is supposed to be a good wrap up for year 2016 but looking at the current situation, I'll probably cry myself to sleep tonight.

No one will read this anyway. Because I'm just an attention seeker af. Okay, bye.

Last but not least, happy birthday to myself. Officially 24.

Screwed Up

Life has many ways of testing a person's will. Either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen at once.

- Paulo Coelho -

Yea, I pretty sure I screwed it up. Burning down the bridges and everything. But decision will need to be made right? Right or wrong, I guess the time will prove it.

NO turning back, NO heavy-heart, that's it. I think I never once fulfill the promise that I made to myself.

我的天空今天有點灰

我的心是個落葉的季節