Back to tinder

I only told a few of my friends that I'm actually on tinder - those I think they wouldn't judge me. Tinder is an app that is soooo infamous when it comes to hookups. Rest assured, I'm not crazy enough to go for that, though there were nuts asking.

So why I'm on that app? It's not like I don't have friends. I dunno. Maybe I'm just an attention seeker. Looking for someone that can prove my existence. I know this is my lack of confidence. If one is confident enough, he/she doesn't need to prove themselves constantly.

I hate myself being in this way. I'm not going to deny it, as this is part of me. I just need to find a way to stop being in this way. Some days, I'm determined to change. To stop tinder. But funny enough, I keep going back. Installed and uninstalled and re-installed. What am I doing really? Life has a lot more for me to explore rather than engage in some meaningless conversations with strangers.

I know. I'm too naive, thinking that I can get myself a boyfie from that fake world. Maybe there are people who are sincere like me from the start. But at the end, when you put too much trust in something you shouldn't, you would just end up being hurt. So the next when you met someone who is sincere but you don't trust easily again.

Why is love so difficult when it can be so easy? Why is everyone afraid to fall in love when all you can do is just learn how to love?

Stay tuned. I might have interesting stories to share next.

想旅行的心情

4月就這麼靜悄悄地來的，很快地又要走了。今年還沒去到旅行。

還記得那時買到去日本機票時的激動，到現在實在懶得去計劃我的行程。老師一直要我買JR pass，可以到東京看看，可是我只想慢慢地欣賞關西美景。然後我無法用語言解釋我的想法。學了那麼多年的日文好像有點白學。

一個人的旅行，我行嗎？上一次懵懵懂懂地到日本也不是靠我一個人完成的。很矛盾的心情。因為朋友知道我去，有問能一同隨行嗎？然後內心說最好不要跟來，給朋友拆穿說怎麼啦？不願意？心想著有人陪伴其實也不錯。但我就是想試試一個人去旅行，想知道我可以到哪裡。老師知道我一個人去，她一副「信じられない」的表情，說我一個人去很寂寞的喲～

時間逼近，行程還沒定，該做的功課沒做。或許內心在期盼著這趟旅程能帶給我什麼驚喜吧？

Realisation... 3.

Do you know the feeling like a deflated balloon?

Yea, I was kind of experiencing it. I dunno why I'm always the submissive one, probably because I didn't want to aggravate or hurt other people's feelings. Or so I perceived. Thus, I ended up hurting my own feeling.

Whenever I suggested an idea - places to eat or hang out - I have that one friend always like to challenge my idea without any base. I'm totally fine with it if you could at least research about the places that I suggested. But no, that one friend would comment like "Is the food nice?".

I would say this question is really based on one's preferences. I might like it but maybe you don't? And the problem is the idea I suggested might be the places I haven't been there before, I just randomly saw it from the social sites. Why can't you take the risk and give it a try? If it's bad, then we don't revisit; but what if it's good? Life needs surprises sometimes.

Houjicha latte.

It smelled and tasted good but the texture can be smoother.

So we ended up going to the cafe I suggested. I said no topics regarding jobs but you know auditors, full of negative vibes - feeling imbalance of what they're doing because the jobs they do are usually pointless. I get the same old shit they rant. And usually I just nodded along because I don't understand the jargon they said. My job isn't nice to deal with either. But no one bothers/interested to what my job is. To be honest, I don't feel like talking about it during gathering. We're supposed to talk about fun things. 

不管你是人生赢家还是彻头彻尾的loser，我为什么劝你一定要去参加同学聚会？
And about gathering, seriously, I urge everyone to join whenever there's any. Because it lets you see how far have you progressed or how slow you are as compared to your peers. For the latter one, you know it's time for you to work extra hard. It hits me really hard when they discussed about travelling with family. I have been working for 3 years, never once I paid fully for my parents to go for a trip. Whereas my friends, they discussed about sponsor flight tickets & accommodation & bla bla bla for their parents. While I had monologue going on in my mind - I only manage to support myself to a trip. Last year, my face was thick enough to follow my parents to go Krabi without paying a penny. Sigh. Life...

Beauty and no beast

“She warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.”
Narrator [Beauty And The Beast]

I'm satisfied! *a big smile plastered on my face*

Actually I don't really remember the animation version, in fact I don't remember I ever watch that. But somehow I know how the story goes, and I wonder why the hell I know.

Basically, fairy tales are almost every girl's fantasies. No matter how the fairy tales being remade, I'm still loving them, especially the dancing scene, where the girl would wear the dress that every girl dreams of and the Prince would dress handsomely and they danced the perfect dance.

Fairy tales are not meant to be of common sense. Because there is no such perfect moment with perfect love in real life. But all these give us chance to live in fantasy once in a blue moon.

So what if when the beast returned to being human and is not a Prince charming but a fatty? Would you still choose him?
#appearancedriven
#themainisBelleinsteadoftheBeast