只要你不懦弱

明明你也很愛我
沒理由愛不到結果
只要你敢不懦弱
憑什麼我們要錯過
夜長夢還多你就不要想起我
到時候你就知道有多痛

-《你就不要想起我》田馥甄 -

他媽的，拖拖拉拉2年，見個面很難嗎？
＃無膽匪類

或許不想見面只是藉口
醒醒吧，蠢女人！

Easy vs Difficult

Why some people got into a relationship so easily? It's like they don't need any effort and everything is within their hands. And their progress are like lightning!

Why some people keep searching for the right one but the results are always disappointing? But instead, being said that "your standard is too high" or "you're too picky" or many other reasons as to why you're still single.

Why?

I would never understand.
And I would always hold grudges onto this unfairness - why not me?

I probably am the person that can't stand seeing others leading a good life. I'm such an ill-hearted person. 

The right one

Don't mistake salt for sugar.

If he wants to be with you, he will.

It's that simple.

- Rupi Kaur -

Yup, convincing myself that

  I'm not rush

  Eventually the right one will show up

Also chiding myself

  Why the hell I yearn for being in a relationship so much

It's really tired, being a paradox. 

Ugh...

愛情的模樣 #1

大概是…

#1

就算成為情侶，也能做回自己

就算在一起，也能有自己的時間、自己的社交圈子、自己的事業…

而不是因為身分轉變，而把自己變成以為對方想要的模樣

愛情，大概是跟對的人，在對的時間，一起成長

💓

Courage

In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.
- Abraham Maslow -

Everyone will be facing a turning point at certain age. My cousin, Erin is facing hers at the age of 27. Fed up with her 2nd job, thus she decided to leave for good. She was in advertising field and it's considered small field in Malaysia. No matter how you jump, the choices are limited.

So, she decided to apply for oversea companies and ended up chosen China's company. At the very last minute of settling her working visa and stuff, she's still struggling whether to go or stay because she heard too many negative voices telling her how bad it is to work in China.

She didn't like China at the first place. Now with so many negative comments about working in China made her more dreaded to go. But anyway, decision is made, she packed her stuff and just went with it. 

Luckily she brought her mom and her sis with her. As I know her, she's lack of sense of direction, very stubborn once she thinks she's right, and she can be hard to get through sometimes, like we're always not in the same channel.

Even though she is dreaded, half a year already passed by. The last I met her was during CNY, with awesome gradiant on her face but with soulless eyes. The good condition on her face was due to cold weather, as for her eyes, she told us she has been insomnia for a month. Deprived of sleep can really drive a person crazy. 

Insomnia is barely occurred in my life, but I had experienced it once. You couldn't sleep when you're supposed to, you would constantly counting down to when you can sleep or when the day comes.

She did some research and found out that she actually has mild depression according to the test she took. Her boss is mean and demotivated. When she was given a task, her boss demanded her to complete within split second. If she couldn't, her boss would chide - why are you being so slow? Didn't you bring your brain to work? When I heard her story, I can tell that he is not a good leader. Working under such person can be so intimidating and stressful. So we can see why she couldn't sleep at night. Or when she finally drifted to sleep, he appeared in her dreams and continued to haunt her.

We advised her, no point to work under such circumstances. It's not like you earning a lot but you almost giving up your health to your work. It's okay to quit and pay the penalty for leaving without completing the job contract. It's not worth to stay for the money.

I watched a talk recently and the speaker talked about it's tough to give up. Because you think you've given too much to come to this far, and now you're being torn in between giving up or continuing. Giving up would mean to give up all your effort to make it this far, but you've lost the passion to continue. The dilemma is hard to tolerate. Well, no matter what we said, the decision maker is still her.

I wanted a chance to leave home as well, but I'm not actively searching. Deep down, I guess I'm too comfort to leave. 

Life, in a nutshell.

沒禮貌

「沒禮貌」和「做自己」往往是一線之差。

我常常主張做自己，但最近有一直在想一一那真的是在做自己嗎？還是我在為我沒禮貌的行為找藉口。

說話直、一針見血是射手的特質。但不分場合，想到什麼就說什麼其實是不成熟/不會說話的表現。嗯，我不擅長交際，是越來越不擅長。這聽上去就很像藉口。然後就會聽到不擅長可以學啊～的聲音在耳際響起。

最近那與這個社會格格不入的感覺越發強烈，想就這麼逃離現況，到世外桃源與世隔絕。如果不那麼做，好像只要碰到雞毛蒜皮的事，就足夠觸發山崩。什麼事都讓我很不爽，很討厭這感覺，但就是怎麼也擺脫不了。

好想要找回內心那份平靜。
若你、你、你有被我說過的話傷害過，我在此說聲「對不起」。

Precise

Is it just me who want things to be clear and precise?

Or maybe I'm just hoping that people would answer the answer I want instead?

Communication is really a hard lesson to learn.

My tomorrow, your yesterday

「明日、会えるかな？」
僕の昨日
君の明日

僕のさよなら
君の初めて

映画 «僕は明日、昨日の君とデートする»

2018 - About work

The time in recent years is like shooting star. When you realised it's the end of 2017, you couldn't even catch the glimpse of its tail. And, it's already 2nd Friday of 2018.

Should I do a review of 2017 to see if I've grew any? Even I doubted myself.
- Let's save it when I remember, maybe the next I'll be doing review for 2018. Hahaha!

About work
Feel trapped, but I'm too comfort to leave. Every new year, I'm eager to leave but every year end, I feel dreadful - why I'm still stuck in the same job?! Upcoming projects, new jobscopes... sounds tempting for new opportunities, but I can foresee it's gonna be another dreadful year. 

Human is greedy. I want my salary to elevate but I know my qualifications are not enough. I wonder if I leave, is there any other firm would want to take me in? Sometimes I guess I LOVE to over think trivia things. I should put focus on important stuff instead.

I find myself hard to cope with things going on in my firm. I constantly live in my own bubble - I don't know who's leaving nor neither do I know the background of new joiners. Socialise, they said. I don't know what to ask if my opponent doesn't start the conversation first. I afraid what I ask would be prying on their personal lives. See, I know I've been thinking too much. I wonder if something is broken within me? Why am I living so carefully?

Ohh, and I find it's hard to be around of my colleagues sometimes. I feel like I've learn nothing much when I'm being asked to explain/teach to new joiner. I don't know how to explain to make sure I got it right. 

There's one slow learner that is wearing down my patience level. The same thing being explained by different people and she still couldn't get it. My colleague went to seek help from her closed friend from other team, saying that we need to boost her confidence level by asking her question that she can answer. I was like, wow. That friend of her really put effort to understand her and trying to tackle her problem.

I really still a kid that never grow up and this feeling keeps gnawing on me recently. I realise I didn't care enough what's happening around me. I only care about myself. Selfish. Self-centered.

When can I grow up? Even just a little, please?