Change

In life you'll realize that there is a purpose for every person you meet. Some are there to test you, some will use you, some will teach you, and some will bring out the best in you.

Everyone is telling me - I need a change or rather I need TO change.

I wonder, since when my temper is becoming shorter and shorter. I get annoyed and impatient easily. And I think I'm being weirder and weirder these days. Like when I said something wrong, and I tried to fix it, but ended up, what I said is just worsen the entire situation.

I started to realise that I'm really sucks at expressing my thoughts and also two-ways communication. To the extent that I have to pick up books like 'how to communicate'. Sometimes, I just said things too harshly and there's no u-turn after saying it. It was me who created all the awkward silence which I dreaded the most.

And I often expected too much and receiving too much. All relationships require give-and-take but I'm being the one that just take without giving. I expect everyone should understand me, my situation if they put their shoes in mine. But I'm wrong. Who can really understand one another when I can't even understand myself sometimes?

My friends also suggested that the friendship between Y and me ended up this way is probably my fault. Well, maybe? Because from the start I get annoyed when I didn't get reply from her but she can easily reach me; and she hated me because of my negative vibes. We seem to get along well but actually not quite as these small issues being accumulated without communicate. And we both are stubborn person.

Okay, that's it. This is gonna be my last post of dwelling on this friendship.

SH said not every sorry needs to get a proper forgiveness. He said maybe I can try approaching her by just saying hi. Like get to know each other right from the beginning again. Right. But I'm tiring of being the active party. Can I at least expect more this time? Nevermind.

And I'm being asked to be more positive. Because people with positive vibes will attract more friends. I mean people are willing to approach positive friends instead of negative shit like me. Because I will apologize for things that weren't even my fault. I hate to admit but yea, I'm living in other people's perspective.

誰都明白除了改變一切都在改變

可變來變去也改變不了我的孤獨感

- «愛缺» 陶晶瑩 -

p/s: who doesn't want to be selfish and just live for herself? The world is already such a cold-hearted place to live in, if everyone is being selfish, what will this world be like?