Tinder

Find the person who you stay up all night laughing with. That's the person you should want to end up with. Not the one with instant sparks.  - Alexandria Brown -

I wonder if he still reads my blog.

His compliment never failed to flatter me. He was the one that said I'm good at writing, expressing myself through words. He was the one that said so when no one else does, not even myself. At least I didn't think so.

He had said a lot of things, trivial or not, some still etched deeply in my mind and had once made my heart skipped a lot of beats. But I couldn't recall his voice anymore. It sounded distant, like someone trying to speak through water. He was the one I thought I was almost in love. I thought.

When it rained, when the sun set, when my phone was not beeping, when... those were the times I would miss him most. But not anymore. 

Sagittarius is not meant to be a whiney; Sagittarius is meant to live freely, there is no one that he/she couldn't live without.

 I should have realised then. He was just good at frivolous talks, when no action is required. Girls - most of them - love those talks. Those that made them feel wanted. I thought I hated it too, but he was too good at it; the timing, the way he said it...

But I should have realised back then - not everyone that you know from the cyber world is worth believing in. At least, there's an unwritten rule that said don't pour whole-heartedly until you have affirmed, before that, it is just a GAME.

As to why I fell so hard - but not too deep - I guess it was because of the instant sparks. He never skipped any question that I asked and he shared almost everything. Though I couldn't be sure how much of the truth contained, but I did enjoy the topics we talked about. It was rare to find someone that basically talks about everything, especially he was just a stranger. 

Besides, I guess this is essential to keep a conversation going because if there's no people doing the sharing part, a conversation doesn't work when two people are doing the listening part.

I'm not missing the person, instead I missing that moment. Such moment is hard to come by. Thank you for the moment that we shared.

Okay, enough of mourning the past. 
  Let bygone be bygone.
     I'll meet the right one, eventually! :')
        Be positive.

Ranting

有些心情如果不寫下來，就會被遺忘。

Didnt feel like writing lately. Who else read blog these days? But humans are contradictory being. Yea, I would say I write for my own perusal, but when no one is reading it, I would feel depressed somehow. Ugh. Maybe deep down I'm just hoping someone that read my piece is sharing the same thought with me.

Sometimes I'm seriously hating the job I'm doing right now. I know I'm considered super lucky except the fact that I have to work during public holidays and sacrifice my weekends. Because I could use the overtime I worked to claim self-declare holidays. Some jobs do not offer such things. So I know I'm lucky.

But you know people tend to complain when there's only one bad thing that happened. They didn't take into account the remaining 9 good things that happened. That's why there's a saying - when one did wrong, no one remember the good that he did but the one fault that he made. So I'm in the same category, complaining and complaining and not improving. I guess I'm those wanting to be adventurous but deep inside I'm actually a coward.

Look at those at my age - I'm comparing with those successful one - They are entrepreneurs, earning their own money, supporting their own finance. And me? Not one achievement so far, earning the thin income that is not enough to support my family but for my own selfish desire to travel.

Sigh, in an early morning shouldn't be ranting stuff like this. It's a perfect weather for sleeping in and also a weather to use as an excuse for being late. Damn, I'm - we're all - getting stuck in a train, for more than half an hour already. Was thinking to drive but because of raining, I changed my mind which lead to current situation.

Screw it, really!

Sorry, I'm exuding negative vibe early in the morning. 

THE TIME OF MY LIFE

"You're half-assed, you waste time, you never finish anything that's not a bottle of wine or a bar of chocolate. You change your mind all of the time. You can't commit."

"Why are you telling me things that I already know?" I spoke like I didn't care but in truth it was disturbing to listen to. It was disturbing to know that all the little things I did in secret were being noted by somebody, and being logged in a computer for some stressed-out office nerd to read like I was some sort of solitaire game.

I was doing something that needed to be done and I felt the burden of it every step of the way. As they connected me and the phone rang, I began to think of hanging up. It wasn't just the phone call; it was having to follow through that bothered me.

If you think your life's a waste of time,

If you think your time's a waste of life,

Come over to this land, take a look around.

Is this a tragic situation,

Or a massive demonstration,

Where do we hide?

- Down on me, Aslan -

"These are all very acceptable things in modern society. You're sick; you go to the doctor, you get antibiotics. You're depressed; you talk to a therapist, they might give you antidepressants. Your grays show; you get your color done. But with your life you make a few bad decisions, get unlucky a few times, whatever, but you have to keep going, right? Nobody can see the underneath part of who you are, and if you can't see it-if an x-ray and a camera can't take a picture of it for you-in this day and age the belief is, it's not there..."

"...How else do you think life happens? A series of coincidences and occurrences have to happen somehow. Our lives all crash and collide and you think there's no reason or rhyme it? If there wasn't any reason for it all, what would be the point? Why do you think anything happens at all? There is an outcome, repercussions and occurrences to everybody you meet and everything you say..."

"The better I do for you [life], the more I alienate other people. What good is that for me?"
"Right now, not much, but down the line it'll pay off. They just need to get to know you."
"They [my friends] know me."
"You don't even know you, how can you expect them to?"

Life has a way of getting what it wants when it really knows what it wants.

"...If you have a dream, you want to at least be able to try to achieve it in some way. Something that is seemingly beyond your grasp but that you know that with a bit of hard work you could possibly achieve. Walking to your local newsstand to buy a lottery ticket is not inspiring. Dreams should make you think - if I had the guts to do it and I didn't care what anybody thought, this is what I'd really do."

I tried to think about my dreams, where I wanted to be, what I really wanted, but I think to know what you want, you have to know what you don't want and all I could figure out was that I really wished Life hadn't contacted me so I could have continued on the path I was on. Life had complicated things, Life had tried to make things move on when I was perfectly content.

"...I googled people's dreams. Because you're right. I didn't have one, which is rather pathetic, I should have one."
"I don't know which is more pathetic, not having a dream or googling other people's."

Again, I didn't like what I had but I didn't know what I wanted, so I was once again aimless.

I didn't want it to end like this, even though it had been me who had led it in this direction, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"What does that shit even mean? Geological happiness?"
"Most people look for fulfillment and happiness within themselves; you, on the other hand, physically move to another county thinking it will help things."

I'd rather I never had to work again, I still hadn't found a passion for anything, that nauseating word I kept hearing people say to me, and even though I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I was starting to get on the right way of thinking.

By Cecelia Ahern

難得

The best cure for a bad day is a good friend.

Okay. Since the previous posts were too gloomy, let's have something fun!

I like how 4 of us make effort to meet up every now and then. Of course, we are all busy. But, to make time, is something that warm my heart. It means this friendship is important, is worth our time. I can't help but I tend to make comparison.

Like my ex-colleagues, we have tons of plans, the list keep growing but none has really fulfilled. Even a simple meet-up that requires full headcount, not once in this year can we all make it. In a nutshell, everyone is not working hard enough to make it work. 'Whatever, really.' 

So I would say, to be able to find friends that can click and have endless topic and most importantly, everyone in the gang that treasures the friendship is way too awesome. I mean everyone has been saying forever and forever is just too cliché. Who really trust forever nowadays? At least, I'm not a 'forever' believer. But I treasure every moment we'd be together. :)

And the meet-up last night, we've got a new member. What surprised us is that, she managed to blend in well. Such a sweet girl. If we're not in 'ghost festival', we would have make it to the peak of Broga Hill this morning. Sigh. To have plan that is so spontaneous, is really really rare. We'll surely make the plan on before this year ends!

Can't wait our next meet-up. These peeps are like rare Pokemón!

Your Lie In April

「君は君だよ。『君らしく』なんて曖昧なものじゃない。
何やったって変わったってカンケーない。君はどうせ君だよ。」
ーー宮園かおり「四月は君の嘘」

You are you. Just be yourself is not an ambiguous thing. What you did and how you changed, it doesn't matter. Because, you're just you.

*You are born original. Don't die a copy.*

「いくつもの知らない自分を発見して・・・いくつもの知らない自分と向き合う。それもたぶん、恋をするってことなのかな。」

But not all stories have a happy ending. You don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross your path for a reason, either you need them to change your life or you'll be the one that will change theirs. You meet thousands of people, and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person, your life changed forever.

届くかな？届くといいな。

I have only tell one lie since meeting you in that cherry blossom season. 

- that is - I like your best friend.

抬頭仰望

發覺這世界永遠太少深刻 因此花一天改變一切習慣

發覺這世界永遠太多蹺蹊 因此花一天擁有一切運氣

消失太快　捉得到太少 因此花一天感覺一切是愛

- «今天只做一件事» 陳奕迅 -

活在這個人人都低頭的時代
再加上剛剛推出的Pokémon
走到哪都可以看到屏幕裡都是同一個遊戲
當然自己也不例外

但如果人們可以暫時放下手機
抬頭仰望
欣賞每一次都不一樣的天空
心情會不會不會那麼煩躁

並不一定是要看天空
身邊一定會有一些你值得欣賞的風景

不知道你有沒有發現
最近的夕陽都很美
我覺得這些都得運氣好才能看得到

每當看到夕陽
總會特別想念那位
互相分享天空的照片的他
我們還曾經說過
應該去當天文學家
研究天空與星星

每次都會忍不住想
落到如斯田地是自己造就的
但其實過去的就應該讓它過去
為何總是要和自己過不去

也許一開始靠得太近
就像刺蝟那樣
冷的時候
想讓彼此靠近一些
互相取暖
但是靠得太近
便會被對方的刺給刺傷
於是
一直調整彼此的
姿勢和距離
直到能互相取暖之於
又不會刺傷對方

我重申
這不是傷感
這是有感而發

你不覺得

多愁善感的文字很美嗎

人越大

越覺得人與人之間的橋樑
其實很脆弱
每個人都很玻璃心
要找到那個彼此能互相忍讓的人很難

最近我才被朋友說
怎麼脾氣那麼暴躁易怒

其實也不止朋友

連家人也這麼說

唉
做人真難

Reply 回覆

At the end,
I sent him a "Hi?"

And he replied, but I didn't read it immediately.
Instead, I switched off my data.
Hoping that, besides "Hi, how are you?",
There would be something more.

After few hours,
The conversation remained
At the moment before I switched off my data.

Alright, I forcefully replied standard answer - "I'm fine & you?"

Few moments later,
"I have been well too.
Sorry for not texting lately."

Ahh, sorry but no explanation.
Okay, fine!
"Is there any reason that I need to know?"

"Not particularly.
Just didn't feel like texting.
No reason at all."

"Okay. Got it.
Flash in the pan right?"

Thank you for not replying after that.
So that I know I can put a full stop right there.
Even though maybe it's just me that have to deal with the aftermath.