I'm never the first choice of my favourite people. Likewise, there are people never my first choice too, even though I might be their first on the list.
Often, I will stare at my contact list, wondering who could I go to when I need someone to kill time with. Answer is NO ONE. Pathetic eh? Mostly because I didn't want to disturb their life, afraid they're being caught up with their own life. Who is free to spare some time for me? And then, I wonder - why can't I do things by my own? Can't I have some me-time?
Or, there were friends asking me out. But I was weighing - whether to go or not to go. What?! I had been complaining and now there were friends asking me out, finally I had got plan but I have to mull over it. Such contradiction!
Sometimes I'm frustrated. Like we'd been saying about travelling together, or maybe just me saying about it. Finally someone texted me, saying AirAsia has got promotion. Probably I misconstrued it as "let's go travel", but ended up I was just think too much. I was being informed there was cheap air ticket, but I was not being invited to travel together. Of course, there were people asking, but I wasn't very keen to travel with them. I just want to be somewhere with my favourite people, but the irony is that, I'm not in their favourite people list.
It's okay, I told myself repeatedly. I'll just need to get used to being alone. Because I matter and no one else.
p.s. it took me long enough to finish writing such emotional post.
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