First Love

사랑의 물리학 김인육

愛的物理學 金仁旭

질량의 크기는 부피와 비례하지 않는다.
品質和體積不成正比。

제비꽃 같이 조그마한 그 계집애가
那個如紫羅蘭般小巧的丫頭，

꽃잎같이 하늘거리는 계집애가
那個似花瓣般輕曳的丫頭，

지구 보다 더 큰 질량으로 나를 끌어당긴다.
以遠超過地球的品質吸引著我。

순간, 나는
一瞬間，我
뉴턴의 사과처럼
如同牛頓的蘋果一樣，
사정없이 그녀에게로 굴러떨어졌다.
不受控制地滾落在她腳下。

쿵 소리를 내며
咚的一聲，
쿵쿵 소리를 내며
咚咚一聲，
심장이 하늘에서 땅까지 아찔한 진자운동을 계속했다.
從天空到大地，心臟在持續著令人眩暈的擺動。

Image from pinterest

첫사랑이었다.

那是初戀。

Poem from: The Physic of Love

Blissful

Health is not valued till sickness comes.
- Thomas Fuller -

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.
- Mahatma Gandhi -

My dad finally got rid of the life of carrying 2 bags of lung fluids around for a month. It was a boring dreadful month. #confinement

Thank you, thank you and thank you. 

Words can't describe how I feel right now. #feelingcontent #blissful #happiness :)

A thought occurred to me when my dad was being diagnosed with cancer. He must be living too comfortably, that's why God decided to give him a rather challenging assignment to deal with at this age. This assignment not only meant for him, but for us, as a family member as well. We're all going too easy with our lives.
#takethingsforgranted

People nowadays are so scared when heard about cancer because we're ignorant. We know too less about something we should know, something we're supposed to know. Everyone gave me that startled look when I told them about my dad. "What?! Cancer?! Are you f*cking serious?" Yea, I was there with him when the result was being announced. I dunno what reaction I put on my face, but I can be pretty sure deep down I was as calm as lake water.

Then everyone is so concerned about him, that he would receive few calls a day and few visits a day over the weekend and when he was being hospitalized. This proved to me how strong his connections are. Even a friend from Cameron purposely came to visit him after knowing his condition. So much better than some fake relatives, asking via phone, and the worst part of all is that he asked my aunt rather than calling my dad directly. He got defended by my aunts and my sis, saying maybe he doesn't want to disturb my dad. Yea, right. And both me and my sis got criticised because ACCORDING TO HIM we were too high-profile in social media (and we were like, huh? Wtf?! All I did was sharing videos. Let alone my sis, she didn't even post anything on her wall). Whatever. Generation gap. I had mentioned this before in my previous post, but every time I thought of this, it makes my water boiling up. Ugh. I swear I'm not going to meet them if they ever come KL. I'll make up whatever reasons I can just to avoid meeting them. #toxicpeople #escapist

For people like my dad who loves to look as handsome as he can (he used to comb his hair even though his hair was too short to be combed) to becoming a bald-headed uncle, it was too painful to see. He said - there's no option left for him, is there? - with that pussy car look from Shrek movie. :'(

I wish nothing more than to have his health back and start enjoying his retirement life.

お金 #2

Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.

- Benjamin Franklin -

Dun ask me to go shopping, in fact, dun ask me out to spend a penny. Mainly because I'm constantly depriving of money. I feel like, but I dunno why. And damn, this feeling haunts me.

***I just want something to take the blame.

Thus, I blame my job. 

Ever since I changed my job, bad things keep coming to me. Of course, I received good ones too. But the bad ones were severely impacted to my life. Maybe I'm being too focus on the bad things, that's why they keep looking for me.

I always curious, those who earn lesser than me, how can they sustain? Or they actually having a hard time too, but without complaining? But their lust seem to be so much more humongous than mine. Travelling, wearing branded stuff, cafe-hopping... How? Are they earning extra income? I almost stop going to cafe, my friends used to say I always go travelling, always eat nice food. Maybe I posted too much photos on social media. So they've got such "perception".

Where and how to earn extra in a legit way? 

#cruelworld

 #makemoneyworkforme

Or maybe I'm asking too much. Only when I appreciate, money will come to me without me asking for more. 

#lawofattraction 

#enoughishappiness

記得 • 忘記

我覺得

老是叫人

記得

的同時也是在叫人

忘記

#魔咒

想 • 自由

只有妳　懂得我　

就像被困住的野獸　

在摩天大樓　渴求　自由

- «想自由» 林宥嘉 -

有時候我覺得自己像一隻小小鳥

想要飛卻怎麼樣也飛不高

也許有一天我棲上了枝頭

卻成為獵人的目標

我飛上了青天才發現自己從此無依無靠

每次到了夜深人靜的時候我總是睡不著

我懷疑是不是只有我的明天沒有變得更好

未來會怎樣究竟有誰會知道

幸福是否只是一種傳說我永遠都找不到

我是一隻小小小小鳥

想要飛呀飛 卻飛也飛不高

我尋尋覓覓 尋尋覓覓 

一個溫暖的懷抱

這樣的要求 算不算 太高

- «我是一隻小小鳥» 趙傳 -

做小鳥有比較自由嗎？

#livinginmyownfantasy

Generation gap

Qisin!

Change your thought and you change your world.

- Norman Vincent Peale -

What's with the underlying rules set by the elders -
That we have to confine/limit ourselves,
That we have to be fully by mentally and physically support to our loved one who got sick,
That we cannot have any entertainment because we're not allow to have that happy feeling, to hang out with friends,
That we have to tone down in social media, or if we want to be so high profile that I have to write my sad feelings all over my wall,
That we have to show depression in order to prove that we're sad, that we care.

What the stupid fking rules are these?
I wanted to crack open their brains and see what's inside.
Why our thinking can be so different?
Why can they be so stubborn?
Why can't they try to understand us instead of forcing us to understand them?
Where's the equality?

We're all humans.
Who aren't sad when your loved ones got sick?
But because I strongly believe that he'll be fine if he follows instructions.
That's why I can be so calm and act like as if nothing happens.

I thought I have to be positive in order to brighten up the circumstances around me.
But they prove me wrong.

Now I have to calm myself down, because I got too agitated, too tension.
And in their eyes, I'm throwing tantrum over minor things like this.
That I cannot control myself.
That I got myself carried away.
That I'm immature.

Maybe I'm. 

Or probably I'm. 

Or yes, I'm.

But I just can't stand being said in such a way that they define who I am, what I should feel.

I'm not a puppet.
Thank you for your kind concern but you need to gimme time to adjust myself and I would like you to know and understand that how we deal with sadness is, a TOTALLY DIFFERENT way. 
By the way, sorry about my low EQ and for being rude.

Health

I wonder how one thinks about their health, especially youngsters. Is it like -

Health is like MONEY. We never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.
- Josh Billings -

Because we're young. Thus, we take things for granted - the unconditional love from our parents, money and health. Most of us didn't realise that our health is important until someone around us or ourselves have health issue, what's worst - a critical / severe one.

Lately I've been thinking regarding this matter. I'm not a healthy kid since young, my lungs are weak. Ever since I started working, I gotten sick at least twice a year, and usually I would get the combo package - cough + flu + sore throat + sometimes even come with fever. When I grown up, it's getting unbearable each time I get sick. It's like I'm getting closer to death (maybe I'm being exaggerating but this is what I feel).

I feel like I'm taking my health for granted. My mom keeps on nagging me - not to drink too much of cold beverages; not to starve myself; not to bath too late; if bath too late, not to wash my hair and bathe with hot water. These are the few nags I would get from her almost everyday. I'm such a disobedient daughter. I know those are not good for my health, but I still do it because I think I'm still young, so I can expend my health like nobody else's business.

The truth is, there are some symptoms started showing that my health is gradually walking the downhill. My sis said she could hear the sound of my bone cracking when I tried to stretch my arms or legs. And I always feel my neck and shoulder part being very stiff and sometimes the ache would hit. The sign of getting old. Hahaha. 

I know I should be more consistent on doing exercise, like swimming, jogging or whatever that could make me sweat and would improve my productivity. I feel sleepy everyday when I'm at work and I think that's because I didn't do exercise on a regular basis. But I'm not motivated to do so and I'm lazy. Lots of excuses. :X

To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.
- Gautama Buddha -

I MUST to do something. Some changes. Or else mid-20s crisis will hit me real hard.

I wonder if you think what I'm thinking

너도 나처럼 이렇게 아픈지
너도 나처럼 눈물 나는지
너도 하루종일 이렇게 추억에 사는지
꼭 나처럼
- I Wonder If You Hurt Like Me by 2AM -

I wonder how someone feels like if I disappeared whole day long without texting back, provided that if we were ever texting non-stop. The feeling of texting continuously - yes, it's wasting time - but do it with the right person can be satisfying and feeling on cloud nine.

I wonder if there's anyone waiting for my text. Yea, I might sound self-centre but I'm curious.

I wonder if those who do not instantly text back know how the one waiting for their reply feel like.

I wonder if I ever crossed someone's mind. And because of that moment, I would receive a text saying "IMY".

愛情就像候車月臺

有人走有人來

我的心是一個站牌

寫著等待

- «手放開» 李聖傑 -

No one goes the extreme way to make me theirs. Because people nowadays aren't persistent enough, neither do I. So I'm constantly waiting. Waiting for miracle. Hahaha!

V.I.P

I'm a conceited fool.
Always like to imagine that I'm a VIP in someone else's life.

The truth is, I'm the VIP to me and myself only. 

I just need someone to remind me on this.

Stop telling me what to do

Maybe LOVE is not what I'm looking for.
By LOVE here I mean being in a relationship.

Because I don't think I love myself enough to be loved by someone else.

Submissive.

Lack of confidence.
Constantly demanding the feeling of security from everyone else and forgot the fact that that feeling can only be given by myself.

Of course, I'm being reminded from time to time, to hurry up and be in a relationship like everybody else.

Because this is the norm among the peers around my age. 

So now I'm the weird one, being so-called "single".

I hate when this society constantly telling us what to do when we're at what age.
Like we're young, we're supposed to go to school.
Like after we graduated, we're supposed to have a decent job and being in a relationship.
Like after working for few years, and if we're still in the same relationship, we're supposed to get married.
Like after we get married, we're supposed to have kids.
The "guidelines" could go on forever till the day we die.
And when we look back what have we done for our life, we sure as hell have tons of regrets because we didn't live the life we wanted it to be.

Why nobody is being encouraged to be themselves but instead following the society's guidelines?

Those successful ones are probably those who went against the said path.
I'm kinda envy them, as they're brave enough to do what they want. 

I probably just need to strengthen my heart.
I probably just need the courage to take a step forward.
And everything will be entirely different.

Shut out unnecessary advices and for once, LISTEN TO MY HEART.