Alone ≠ Lonely

Everyone is basically lonely.

Because they're lonely, therefore they work desperately, they make friends and they fall in love in order not to feel lonely.

-Dr Rintaro-

I don't know why I'm not satisfied with my current state. I have more than whoever else is having, but still, I'm looking for more. What is this sickening thought of mine?

Maybe I'm feeling too lonely, seeing friends in relationship somehow make me feel imbalance. Especially when Facebook news feed is all about wedding and pregnancy and I feel like, uh huh - at the age of 24, friends are getting married, having kids, having their own family, nothing can be better than this. But no, I'm at denial. What?! Getting married at this stage?! No way.

The question that is most hated by all the singles outside is that - do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Why not? Must be your ideal bf/gf criteria is too high. Or maybe you're too picky. They can find whatever reason to explain why you're single. But the truth is, the right one just hasn't appear. Why friends around are so worried that I would end up being forever alone? Leading me to think such a way too!

Because everyone gives me such a pity look and so I get back to dating app again. Yea, we're living in 21st century, but when I said dating app, many still give me that shocked look - OMFG, you're on dating app? Are you seriously this desperate? Uh-huh. Because I'm sick of getting question like why I'm still single. Come on, such a contradictory.

Long story cut short - the app is pretty easy, if you like, you swipe left; if you don't, just swipe right. So I've seen many friends are on the app too, surprisingly. I'm not the only one looking for comfort from the strangers. Don't get me wrong, comfort here means to get someone that understands me.

Once I found someone that's able to make the conversation flowing, I get tired with everyone else as they don't matter anymore. But now I see, that the app is really for hooking up. I happily pick up the conversation, and that lasted for about a month? And that's it. Suddenly he just decided to fade out without any prior notice. Left me wondering why this same situation is happening over and over again. Is it me the one causing the conversation to cease, abruptly? I have no idea. I wish someone can tell me what has gone wrong.

So this is what happened when you're feeling too lonely, when your friends are all dating and you're not, you think you're abnormal which makes your mind not thinking straight because of the stupid loneliness that gives you false signal. You think you need to look for comfort from someone you don't even know, but actually you can do so much better with dealing the loneliness by upgrading yourself over books or meet up with friends. I need to understand that being alone is not equal to feeling lonely. You can still feel lonely when you're surrounded with people.

Thank you, for those good memories and the things I have learned and making my heart fluttered each time you said something sweet. I'm gullible, I can easily fall for the honey. 

Maybe this is just another repulsive post - because I tend to over think, every.single.time.