Embarking on a no-turning-back-journey

I must have lost my mind when I decided to do braces. I shouldn't have extract my teeth besides the one that was decayed. Let's have a minute of mourning on the 3 teeth that I lost today. *sob*

Maybe the result of getting the braces done will cheer me up but definitely not now. I inherited my dad's long canal root. So all 3 teeth that I extracted for my right side, the roots were at least 2cm and above, even my baby tooth - the one that grew with me since I was born.

Okay, let's have a before and after photo.

My teeth aren't that bad to be honest, why I would need to extract all 4 + 1? Sigh. What had done had been done, no turning back.

But the fun part was I'm getting my braces done with the help of my secondary school friend and her mom. Both of us couldn't believe that one day this is really happening! It's all about fate.

***I believe I'll be pretty and slim as hell after I had done my braces. Fighting! I can do it. :)

Peculiar

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

I always have the urge to show people my worst, to see if they could pass my test and I would welcome them to my world. But I underestimate or rather take things for granted, because things often don't end up in what I expected. You could say that I'm naïve because I still believe the world is good and I believe people would like me despite I show them my worst.

I'm quite the opposite of everyone else. People would want to give the very best impression to someone they barely know but I'm eager to show my worst. I think it is pointless to show people one's good at first and one's bad afterward. Who will stay, would stay; who will leave, eventually they would.

Why spend your time building up your image so that you could get some friends, knowing that some could not take your worst and leave you thereafter? Isn't that a waste of time? By here, I mean when you're making new friends, not when you go for an interview or whatsoever. This world is still a realistic and cruel place which sometimes you would still need to wear your mask, put on your fake professional smile and act like you're an Oscar-winning actor but deep down you hated everything around you.

Enough of my gibberish, it was just something I pondered on. Goodnight! 

Don't compromise yourself - You're all you have. 

- John Grisham - 

Be like this air plant; be yourself and grow uniquely.

堅・持

機會是要自己爭取的

過了半個世紀的一半生命
才發現自己總是得過且過
心裡總僥倖地覺得
“哎呀
如果這個沒得到
那就等下次咯
機會總會來的”
總是這麼的認為

再來就是
對自己沒信心
要是表現堅定
或許...
值得我擁有的就不會
從我眼前溜走

學業如此
工作也如此
不夠堅持
半途而廢
老想著要放棄
“通往成功的路上未必是一片坦途
不放棄，未來必會成功;
但是放棄了，就一定不會成功。”
可是不放棄
對我來說是多麼艱難的事

朋友常說
“再多堅持一下下
終點就快到了”
但他們不是我
我懂他們付出比我更多的努力
才獲得今天的成就
我憑什麼認為
不努力就能得天下

再努力一點吧
“少壯不努力
老大徒傷悲”
再難的路
一開始走是難的
但走著走著
就會發現
“咦？沒想像中的難欸～
而且好像快看到終點咯…”

堅持吧！
如果這次機會到了
答應我
抓緊這次的跳板
決心一點
放手一搏

我可以的！

Broga Hill

It's not the mountain that we conquer but ourselves.
- Edmund Hillary -

Remember the post where I said we'll make it to the peak of Broga Hill? And here we are (not the peak yet, though)!

Who said Broga Hill is easy? Definitely not easy for me as an amateur. My legs gave way when I finally reached the 2nd peak. But the view totally earned my perspiration.

We reached quite early, but the place was already very crowded. We found ourselves a perfect spot, sat down and admired the dark starry sky. It had been such a long time since I last seen such a beautiful clear sky. The weather was good, although there were clouds here and there, the sky was full of stars and the moon was almost full.

As the sky began to break, people were started to increase too. So Him and I went to look for a spot that could get perfect photographs of the sunrise, while the rest sitting at the same spot and relaxing.

I couldn't apprehend, why there were people littering everywhere. You go to a place, leave only your footsteps but rubbish. But those people just couldn't get it. They even smoked cigarettes! Totally ruining the place, and the nice view.

Starry starry night~

Can you spot Orion?

City with lights

There was lightning hidden behind the enormous clouds.

The sky started to light up.

Broga Hill is famous with cogon grasses.

Us, in our best 'armour'!

Of course, we couldn't have missed our we-fie.

I'm glad that we hiked Broga Hill together. So much fun! :)

心・累

工作到這個時候才到家…
雖然不是每一天，但每個月有幾天是這樣的日子真的很難過。
尤其假日在每個月的第一個禮拜，每個人去放假，只有我們要回到工作崗位拼博，心理難免有點不平衡。

上司還說家人那天拜一明明是假期，但他們並沒有叫她一起去吃早餐。她很失落地問為什麼沒約她去吃早餐？他們回答竟然是你不是要加班咩？吃什麼早餐？是，雖然是要加班，但沒被問到還是挺傷心的。

理解啊～真不明白為什麼那麼死板板，人是生的，規則是死的。明明月頭連假，很多文件很難拿到手，偏偏最頂的那位死都要把工作擠在星期天。哦，TMD！本來星期天是很美好的一天，因為目前的這份工作，會開始默念拜託一到五號都不要在週末，要不然會很慘。我已經經歷了連續兩個月週末假日要加班的生活，沒有說特別可憐，但就是不想。工作憑什麼連我寶貴的週末也給霸佔？

不想做打工仔，也不想當老闆娘。哦～我該怎麼擺脫日復一日的生活？

人無千日好，花無百日紅

過去的小幸福

離開小時候　有了自己的生活　
新鮮的歌　新鮮的念頭
我走在每天必須面對的分岔路　
我懷念過去單純美好的小幸福
- «天黑黑» 孫燕姿 -

不知怎麼，最近總是提不起勁，對身邊的人、事、物都不感興趣。有誰能打救我現在的狀態？我現在是連門都懶得出，就算休假也待在家發臭。

最近朋友們在群組發信息，說著誰誰誰換了新的男朋友。然後我心想說怎麼人就這麼八卦。突然覺得自己彷彿活在自己的花花世界，任何除了和自己有關的事都與我無關。人家換不換男女朋友，是不是換了新工作等等的事其實都不關我們的事。這些都是在聚會上互相寒暄的話題而已，沒必要在別人背後討論。

有時會覺得當初那麼要好的朋友，經過社會的渲染，變成另一個我不再熟悉的人。當然，不可能每個人都停在同一個階段。當時那麼要好或許是因為天天膩在一起，而現在大家各奔東西，想找一天大家都剛好有空坐下來聚一聚的機會比登天還難。

我不懂你是否有這樣的想法，那就是小的時候都發誓長大後絕對不要成為自己最討厭的大人。可是很諷刺，偏偏你就是成為了你最不想成為的大人。小時候會覺得做大人很酷，有很多的自由和金錢。但現實是你小時候認為的自由，長大後卻好像不是那麼一回事。對，你是有自由去選擇你的伴侶、你的工作、你想去哪裡旅行…但同時間你會在多種選擇下苦惱，要做出取捨，當初那些單純美好小幸福，現在卻變得好複雜。

做人真煩！我在想…如果一直這樣想下去，我是不是快得憂鬱症？唉～煩吶！

当初有些事，让我们刻骨铭心；曾经有些人，令我们难以释怀。我们一路走来，告别一段往事，走入下一段风景。路在延伸，风景在变幻，人生没有不变的永恒。走远了再回头看，很多事已经模糊，很多人已经淡忘，只有很少的人与事与我们有关，牵连着我们的幸福与快乐，这才是我们真正要珍惜的地方。

Choices

Decisions are the hardest move to make.
Especially when it's a choice between where you SHOULD be and where you WANT to be.
- Unknown -

SERIOUSLY, I hate to be stuck in dilemma situation. There is an opportunity came knocking on my door, but I was thinking whether I should leave, again. This will be 3rd time round. Nothing is confirmed yet and here I am, over thinking things again.

What should I do? They made it clear they wanted a serious candidate. Probably because I had said too many times that "I'm just trying" or probably I'm asking too much despite of my experience & qualification. They said everything will be fast-going - interview and shortlist and everything. I think I might have screwed the call just now. What the F had I just said? Sigh.

The first thing after the call, I texted my cousin (since she's the one telling me about this). Frankly speaking, I never thought that I would get reply this fast, or I should say I never expect a reply. That call somehow caught me off my guard. I told my cousin I'm not ready to leave, just yet. I was barely here for a year and to leave again? I never put much thought about it, even though I hated this job at the very beginning. The most dreaded job at first has now becomes something that is pretty easy and routine. And the colleagues, especially team lead. I can say that I'm at the best of my luck, because I work under 2 great superiors, at here and at previous workplace. This is why I never think of leaving, because it has already become my comfort zone. Oh, screw it!

After all I'm just afraid to leave my rut. Damn!

Second option

I'm never the first choice of my favourite people. Likewise, there are people never my first choice too, even though I might be their first on the list.

Often, I will stare at my contact list, wondering who could I go to when I need someone to kill time with. Answer is NO ONE. Pathetic eh? Mostly because I didn't want to disturb their life, afraid they're being caught up with their own life. Who is free to spare some time for me? And then, I wonder - why can't I do things by my own? Can't I have some me-time?

Or, there were friends asking me out. But I was weighing - whether to go or not to go. What?! I had been complaining and now there were friends asking me out, finally I had got plan but I have to mull over it. Such contradiction!

Sometimes I'm frustrated. Like we'd been saying about travelling together, or maybe just me saying about it. Finally someone texted me, saying AirAsia has got promotion. Probably I misconstrued it as "let's go travel", but ended up I was just think too much. I was being informed there was cheap air ticket, but I was not being invited to travel together. Of course, there were people asking, but I wasn't very keen to travel with them. I just want to be somewhere with my favourite people, but the irony is that, I'm not in their favourite people list.

It's okay, I told myself repeatedly. I'll just need to get used to being alone. Because I matter and no one else.

p.s. it took me long enough to finish writing such emotional post.

Funny thought

噗嗤一一

被自己莫名其妙的想法給逗笑了

I don't really meet colleagues from other departments. We usually talked over the phone regarding job issues. I only found out who is the guy I had been talking over the phone for few months through company team building event. And funny enough, we had been assigned to the same group. But at the end of the day, we didn't introduce ourselves. So I'm not sure if he knows me, but I know him because my teammate pointed him out.

And then there is this girl, we're from the same department but different team. We're somehow hi-bye friends as we never engage in a long chatty conversation. As from what I heard, she's pretty emotional kind of person because of her horoscope is Cancer. Not sure why though. But she always seems to have something on her mind. There was one day, she went to consult my teammate, asked him a lot of questions regarding relationship. Then we started to guess, she probably has got a boyfriend and got into some relationship issues.

I came out from office building just like normal, but I caught a glimpse of them sitting at the pavement. The girl was tugging on the guy's arm. I quickly walked by, and after a few steps, I turned around and saw the girl smiling brightly at me and waved her hand to me.

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As to why I said I laughed at my own funny thought is that, I actually think that guy is quite good-looking. Due to my wild imagination, I had a picture drawn in my mind that him being my boyfriend. HAHAHA! Despite we had never talk to each other face-to-face.

I can't help but laugh at my silly thought. But the moment I saw the girl smiling so brightly, I know somehow she's happy now. :)

Lemon

When life gives you lemon, make it into lemonade.

***Well, not every lemon can make into lemonade though. And its sourness can make you frown and wrinkle your nose.

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DON'T READ, IT WILL SERIOUSLY AFFECT YOUR GOOD MOOD. I MERELY WRITE TO RANT THE INDESCRIBABLE FEELING OF MINE.

Sometimes I'm pretty fed up with trivial things that happened around me.

#Like, I always can't find companion to go travel with me. What's worst - is that I limit myself. I need to have a companion to travel with. Screw my stupid dependency! When can I leave my rut? When can I leave my comfort zone? I guess I just can't channel enough courage to make the first step, even though I keep saying I'll make it to Japan alone, someday. But that someday doesn't seem to be in near future.

#Like, when I thought the trip is on for sure because everyone is so excited about it, and then it's off. Why? I've got no time. I'm so poor. I can't take leave. Various excuses started to pop up. They made me so excited about it and then they poured a bucket of ice water on me, extinguishing my excitement.

#Like, complaining is one of my hobbies. I know very well actually those things are best to keep in my heart rather than saying out loud. But I just uncontrollably grumbling about it, even to my own ears, they sound like stink shit. And I can't stop myself.

#Like, I dun really like what I'm doing now, but I dunno what I can do to make the current situation gets better. And an invisible "stress?" - I'm not even sure if that feeling is called stress - makes me suffocate. But I can't give up my life. What would make me then? There are so many people struggling to live and here I am, whining and not working hard to make my everyday counts.

At some moments, I feel like disappearing into thin air and wonder what this world would be like without me? I guess it would just be one person lesser to fight over the oxygen. Oops, too negative, sorry.

#Like, whatever I written up there is not worth to read. Unless, when you manage to read till here and you can somehow relate. Otherwise, this is just another piece of shit. 

我 希 望 十 年 後 的 我 還 是 好 好 的。